Writing my Wrongs

"Writing My Wrongs" by Shaka Senghor

I will admit this book is a little tough to get through.  It has a lot of cussing and explicit examples of what happens in prison.  Yet, it is a good book to understand about growing up on the streets, prison, and re-entry after prison.  It is an amazing story of how some choose to make something of themselves and help others, while others can't break the cycle.  "I was tired of being hurt and confused by two people I loved more than anything in the world."  Childhood is when most of our prison inmates have experienced the abuse that leads them to the streets and the crimes that they commit.  "I had never thought about the fact that by getting locked up, I was also imprisoning everyone who loved or cared about me."  Our actions and choices affect so many around us and yet in the moment we only think of ourselves.  "We weren't bad people, but we had made some very bad decisions that were shaped by the bad things we had experienced.  We were fathers, brothers, uncles, drug dealers, robbers, and killers.  And we weren't any one of those things by itself-what we were was a mixture of failure, neglect, promise, and purpose."  I think that we forget that our inmates are people, people who have made bad choices yes, but also people who have been badly hurt themselves.  "I had helped to bring a new life into the world-but now I was taking my life out of it."  He had made a choice that landed him in prison, a choice that took him out of his child's life.  "My crime was no badge of honor in my son's eyes-it was a scarlet letter that signified how badly I had failed him and the other young Black males in my neighborhood, many of whom would die or spend their lives in prison for trying to emulate me."  And this brought about the change in him, realizing that he needed to do better by his son and help others that were like him choose a better life.  "It had taken me years to realize that no one goes to prison alone; my imprisonment had impacted my family as though they were sitting in the cell with me." "That's why I'm asking you to envision a world where men and women aren't held hostage to their pasts, where misdeeds and mistakes don't define you for the rest of your life.  In an era of record incarcerations and a culture of violence, we can learn to love those who no longer love themselves.  Together, we can begin to make things right."   

Three Little Words

"Three Little Words" by Ashley Rhodes-Courter

I volunteer with foster youth in my county and this book was recommended to me by another volunteer.  It is a book that highlights why children in the foster system need advocates.  This story is written by a young girl who was in the foster system and her experiences.  This book actually makes me cringe because it is everything that is wrong with our system.  I kept asking, "How could that have happened, how could this have happened?"  Everything that could have gone wrong for this young girl did.  "What had I done that was so terrible that I had to be taken from my mother?"  How many kids think it was something they did?  How man kids think that they weren't good enough?  Many of these children are have self esteem issues believing that they weren't good enough to be loved.  "Behind the scenes, though, she became our champion, and it would be years before I realized everything she had accomplished on Luke's and my behalf."  She is talking about her advocate or CASA worker.  Ashley, the author, didn't know at first how much this worker was doing on her and siblings behalf.  "What I could not avoid was an irrational throbbing for my mother that came in waves." "Besides, the only parent I wanted was my mother, and if I could not have her, then having nobody was better than somebody else."  Foster kids are afraid to be loved and they self sabatoge for fear of being rejected they reject first.  "It's okay not to love us.  And I'm not going to say that I love you, because I haven't known you long enough to feel that way.  I like you very much and I want you to be my daughter forever, but love is something that grows with shared experiences.  I feel the buds of love growing, but it hasn't blossomed yet."  Ashley's adoptive mom first said this to her when she came to live with them.  I appreciate her openness and her honesty.  It takes a lot of time to heal from the hurt these children have experienced and her adoptive mom did not expect instant love.  "You are our chosen child, our only daugher.  We missed so much of your life, and we cannot erase some of the tragedies.  All we can do is help you to be the person you want to be from now on."  Foster parents are heroes, they are courageous people who love the broken back to life.  I am in awe of their dedication and willingness to be in the trenches.  "Children need families, not programs."  "Placement?  We have adopted you.  You're our daughter, so cut the poor-orphan-me crap.  We never had anywhere to send our sons, so why should you be different?"  Ashley was afraid that if she messed up she would be put back into a group home.  Her adopted mom was telling her that she was loved no matter what she did, that this was a forever relationship.  Unfortunately, many kids act out from their fears and hurts and foster parents end up giving the kids back up.  It takes a lot to foster.  "The state had paid her to shelter children who were already wounded, and she broke them further-some permanently.  In addition, I cannot help but hold a grudge against those in authority who were incompetent, negligent, or looked the other way when the system's foster parents were harming us.  So many children in my position have no voice, but I will not be silent.  I will continue to speak out about the importance of getting children into permanent homes more quickly."   Children need homes, they were never intended to be taken care of by an institution.  We need to speak out, these children need a voice.  "Out of these 195 people, only Mary Miller and Martha Cook were unpaid volunteers-yet they are the two people who made the greatest difference in my life."  I'll end with this, make a difference in a child's life, become a CASA worker!  (Shameless plug)

An Invisible Thread

"An Invisible Thread" by Laura Schroff and Alex Tresniowski

This book was recommended to me by my cousin and it is a very touching book.  It is a true story about a woman who works in NY and passes by a boy begging for food.  Living in NY she has passed many homeless people without thinking twice.  This time as she walks by she stops in the middle of the street and decided to turn back to the boy.  She walks back to him and offers to take him to lunch. This begins the unlikely friendship between a woman and this 11 year old boy.  The story takes us through the years of their friendship and the gaping differences in their lives.  It is a story that could be any one of our stories if we would just take the time to stop and see the humanity before us.  "For a good part of Maurice's childhood, the greatest harm he faced came from the man who gave him life."  What a confusing place for a child to be, the people who are supposed to take care of and nurture you are the very people you are afraid of.  "What does it mean when society says you're unfit to be a mother?  Are there circumstances to be factored in before that judgment is made?  What if a mother is doing the best she can in the face of crushing adversity but still doesn't measure up to society's standards?  When does a mother lose her right to be a mother?"  As I volunteer in the foster system and have sat in on many court cases, these are the questions that must be answered.  It is not always a cut and dry answer, there are so many factors to consider.  It is not easy to make these decisions that alter lives.  "We know about stuff like Chrismas, but kids like me, we know we can never have it for  ourselves, so we don't think about it."  The harsh reality for so many children.  "But I also think about how fleeting such moments of innocence are, about how good intentions and wide-eyed optimism and even love can only protect us from the harsh, corrupting reality of life for so long."  "...how the things we carry with us from childhood define who we become."  I don't believe our childhood ever leaves us, the good or the bad, but we can choose what we will carry with us into adulthood.  "All of our stories, as much as they are about anything, are about loss.  And, perhaps, they are about what might have been.  But the beauty of life is that inside these disappointments are hidden the most miraculous of blessings.  What we lose and what might have been pales against what we have."  So beautifully said. "If love is the greatest gift of all-and I believe it is-then the greatest privilege of all is to be able to love someone."  And it is, it truly is.  "I consider my childhood a gift,' Maurice once told me.  'It happened to me so I could learn the right way to raise my children.  I saw what my father did, and I might have grown up thinking that was the only way to handle children, like my father handled me.  But then I met you, and that's when I realized there was another way.'"  The impact of one person on another, can in turn, reach generations.  It really is amazing what one act of kindness can do.  A little love goes a long way.  

I Speak For This Child

"I Speak for This Child" by Gay Courter

I was given this book to read as I am going through some training for a volunteer position.  It is a heavy read but a very good and eye opening book.  The author is a volunteer that works with foster children.  The book is stories of children that she has worked with in that system.  Most people will tell you that our social service system is a very broken system and while I agree, there are many, many people that work within that system that are good and doing their best to bring about help.  These are heartbreaking stories of children who need someone to stand up for them, willling to listen and fight for them, and that is just what the author has done.  Something must be done to help these kids and we can all have a part in making a difference.  The back of the book has many different resources for getting involved.  This book has urged me to get involved, to not be on the sidelines any longer.  It has also opened my eyes to the hurt these children are facing and how that affects all of us in the long run. Our society can not sit by any longer, these children need someone to care or we will continue to live in a world where violence is an every day occurrence, where suicide continues to skyrocket, and where drugs and alcohol are abused more frequently.  I encourage you to not only read this book but after you are done to take a step of action, our future is depending on us all.

Stumbling Toward Faith

"Stumbling Toward Faith" by Renee Altson

I stumbled upon this book and I don't really know what I think of it. It is a short book that I read in one night. The author was severely abused when she was young by her father (done in the name of God) after her mother abandoned them. The book is about her journey back toward faith. I appreciate the honesty in this book and Renee's freedom to question the God who created her. I don't agree with everything she believes but she does have some profound things to say. I am also in awe of a God who can bring light to so much evil. "All that they offered me, the love and kindness and friendship, was only the beginning of my becoming whole. It was only a birth to my healing, not the completion of it. If I had gone with them, I would never have really found myself, never really found the wounded broken part of me. I would have simply used someone else to cover who I had been. I would have let them recreate me into who I had always wanted to believe I was rather than do the hard work of changing who I had always been. I would never have truly healed." How easy it is for us to be what others want us to be and how hard to change, to the core, who we are. To truly heal from yucky things we have to go back there, it isn't fun, it isn't pretty, but it is the only way to truly heal. "God doesn't always provide when we think he should, and sometimes, his provision looks nothing like what we expect it to. God may not give more than we can handle, but it doesn't mean that we don't hurt under the weight of what he has already given us. God might provide a way of escape, but it might begin past the path of grief or sorrow or betrayal." Wow, I love the honesty in that quote. So many people just give pat answers when others are hurting and forget the hurt the person is feeling. "Can I trust a God who lets me live with an "I don't know' and expects that it is enough?" "My healing has only begun to happen when I have been honest with the pain that I have lived. Rather than simply putting it behind me, I am finding that I have to befriend it. Rather than choosing to forget what happened, I am finding that I must choose to remember." So powerful, so very true, it takes my breath away. When we choose to forget it just manifests itself in other areas of our life. To truly heal we have to confront that pain and see how it has changed us, made us who we are today, good and bad. "I am where I am, and God is bigger than me. God is bigger than any person, than any definition from any person. Bigger than any person's cruelty or kindness. I am learning to reach more toward God with every breath, and in that reaching, and perhaps even through that reaching, I become more able to believe."